Today wasn’t a trophy day in my life as a mother. Really, the last few weeks haven’t really been a shining moment for me. I have been impatient, distracted, and counting down the minutes until her next nap time or bed time. On Mr.’s days off, I often “check out” to get away for a couple hours, I make him change her diapers, put her to bed, etc… I have been unintentional during my time with her, trying anything (even marshmallows) to get her to quietly play by herself. I’ve been super short tempered when she pulls relentlessly on my pants or sleeves, or wont settle down to nurse or get her diaper changed. I have been distracted by a myriad of boring adult responsibilities, none of which will matter at all within the year, and none of which matter to her.
But, tomorrow is a new day. Instead of getting annoyed with her constant squirming, I will cherish how she shows her love for me in her special way. Instead of pushing her away when she tugs on my pant leg or sleeve, I will understand that she wants to play with her best friend, and one day I will be begging her for time to play and to be her bestie. Instead of counting down the minutes and filling time unintentionally, I will plan things for us to do together that will interest her and encourage her to explore more. I will slow down and take in those extra moments where we snuggle and nurse just as she is going down to sleep, instead of rushing out to check boxes off my to-do list. I know that I am doomed to fail again one day, but tomorrow I will try just a little harder, and harder some more the day after that. For some reason, I was created to love her, to be her mother. And, for some reason, she was created perfectly just for me.