Pancakes DO make people happy; Especially in this house, and especially Em. Our little Pancake Face.
I love weekends. I live for weekends. Getting things done, cleaning, family time, snuggles if I can get them. Grocery shopping during Em & Mister’s morning nap, finally having time to cook or bake, some home improvement, family walks to the farmer’s market or the dog park… But there just never seems to be enough time in the weekend to do all I wanted to do, leaving projects to be completed sometime during the next week or following weekend. If only every weekend could be a 3-4 day deal.
It’s just that during the week, life is hectic! Work from 8-4:30, home by 5:00/5:30 (maybe 6 if I have to go to the dreaded grocery store), feed Em, bath/play time for Em, start the bed process at 7:15, finally sneak out of the room by 8:00, have maybe 1/2 an hour to get to eat before Em wakes up for the first time, spend 1/2 an hour to get her back down, then maybe another 45 minutes to an hour to get chores done around the house before I crash or Em wakes up again. Repeat 4 more times.
There’s so much I want to do… DIY ideas for our house, new recipes, blogging, books I want to read, things I want to learn (like speaking French or how to play the ukelele, you know, the normal things everyone wants to learn right?), workouts I’d like to try, and my Etsy store I’d like to keep up with. But mostly, getting to spend time with Em, going to parks, play dates, playing together, getting to see all of her “firsts” in person instead of through the screen of my iPhone. My “To-Do” list and the lack of boxes checked (along with my absence in my daughter’s world) makes me feel, at times, significantly insignificant and a tad lazy. I feel flakey, inattentive, unable to commit to anything, with every ounce of me completely stressed out.
Not throwing a pity party, just being real. I’m so grateful for my job, that I can support my family and my husband while he completes a major life goal. I like who I work for, who my family is. I am appreciative for where I am, what I do, and what I’ve worked so hard to get and have been amazingly blessed with. But with that said, is it ok to still desire change? Is it ok, or even possible, to greatly appreciate the place my life is in but know that it’s not where my heart fully is? At most times, I have a lot of peace of where we are and what our life situation looks like at the moment; but at other times, I feel anxious, excited, hopeful of what our change will look like. Almost a little scared that my desire to be a SAHM is unrealistic and may never happen.
I know this “dream” of being a SAHM and possibly working from home is silly to a lot of people. So many women are ‘stay at home’ and have built great lives from their home offices, why is it so hard for me to obtain the same?
I’d be shamefully lying if I said I didn’t envy my SAHM friends. Yes, I totally understand that being a SAHM isn’t easy, it’s real work! But it’s work I know I was made for, work that I look forward to one day taking on.
In other news…
I just discovered Arrested Development! Yeah, I’m about 8 years behind the bandwagon. Such a time sucker! How did I not watch this earlier?!
Speaking of time sucker… My goal is to get back to posting on a regular basis. I’m starting with a post a week, then hopefully two a week by October, and three a week by February.
Wish me luck!!!